High School Writing Contests

Continuing on with the theme of me finding things I’ve written as a teen: I got my girlfriend to pull out a copy of the short story I submitted in high school for a creative writing project.

This is some time in my junior year when I was 17 and I did not win which I was very salty about as a kid even though I was also like “…I mean what was I expecting tho lol” because for some reason I decided to submit batshit gay romance.

I feel like I find this more embarrassing than other old writing just because I’m like “damn… I sure did submit this to an actual contest” like omfg the boldness.

It’s funny how my tastes have stayed pretty consistent because my goal was literally “two brown queers in an unhealthy co-dependent toxic relationship navigating an existential crisis” ya know normal teen shit.

Like damn, I should’ve watch Hannibal in high school I would’ve loved that shit.

I’m not sure what exactly it says about me at the time other than that I was a bit crazy. I’m surprised about the theme around growing up because I didn’t remember that part, but I do know I was terrified as a child of turning 18. Absolutely horrified by it I cried on my birthday.

Also, surprised I had specified race in it. Again, my tastes have not changed. I do not care about white characters.

I’m guessing that when writing this I would have been empathizing with the character Andy in it. I remember wanting to write a nonbinary character. Or non-gendered really. I don’t remember what my exact ID would’ve been at the time, but I am pretty sure I was using they/them pronouns.

It’s kinda a shock for how nasty and cruel Andy is. I’m 100% sure it was me purposefully writing an unlikable character, so it was intentional. But I’m surprised that this would be the character supposed to reflect me as a teen?

Just because it’s so negative a portrayal with Andy being very manipulative and borderline abusive in it. I can’t really see any positive traits in them at all, and it’s kinda depressing to consider if that’s how I viewed myself. I don’t think at any time as a teen I was very manipulative, and I don’t think I was especially cruel either. I know it wasn’t made to be a one for one comparison when creating the character, but the fears, insecurities, and appearance all feel unintentionally mapping myself.

Another odd thing is I think there are parts of it that reflect acts of abuse against me in it. Not a one for one, but I think that may have been intentional as well. Throwing something heavy and shattering an aquarium feels like two different instances merged into one I remember from when I was younger. (Older sibling throwing a heavy rock at my head and barely missing, and the time same sibling killed all my mom’s fish) I can’t imagine Marvin as being a stand in for my girlfriend in here like at all and not really any of my friends at the time either. Honestly, he most corresponds to my older sibling where if I was still in therapy that’d probably would need unpacked.

So, writings I guess!

Like I said, I did not win although I think I got an honorable mention. I was salty about this because I was convinced I didn’t win because it was a dark story featuring a toxic queer couple, blood, dead fish, and making out. And you know what? That’s probably is true LMAO the library was valid for that one.

I am fond of it even if I feel strangely embarrassed, because I know that once when visiting the library, somehow mentioned the anthology to the librarian who said that it was his favorite story in the anthology. I think this was queer solidarity mayhaps, but it felt nice!

Also, it’s like solid writing honestly. Still young and all, but like? It’s solid writing surprisingly? I feel like it fulfilled it’s job of showing a relationship in 2.5k words as a complete narrative.

Idk! It’s fun to see how things change and mature!